Sunday, July 05, 2009

a vacant spot in the heart

Life is too short, or too long as someone once said, to be spent doing things that are meaningless. I want every second of my life to count - to be spent on things that bring value and meaning to me. So before I choose to get angry or to sulk, I remind myself if I want to spend my time doing things that will only result in unhappiness. Along with that, I've also decided to cut down on spending. Hence, I've labeled July as my "No Shopping Month". I will not do any shopping whatsoever, except on necessities like food, personal hygiene etc.

I think I'm on a quest for significance. I'm looking for that something that will fulfill me. I have a great loving relationship, my ministry is going rather smoothly and has expanded beyond the church I attend, my job is going well. But I'm still searching for that thing that will completely satisfy me. Maybe it's not really a thing to do or to search for; life is about being, not doing. I tend to get caught up in doing things most of the time.

There is just something in my heart that is vacant and can't be filled with the things that are in my life right now. Maybe I'm just looking for the next big thing to throw my heart in. I've submitted my novel draft to a few Malaysian publishers. Silverfish rejected me, as expected. I'm still awaiting a reply from the MPH editor who personally edited my short story. I'm wondering if I should continue to pursue this and approach comic book publishers instead. Part of me wants to, but the other half wants to just dive into a completely new story still unwritten...

Written at 10:35 PM